I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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