There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
