you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
