Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
