Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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