marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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