It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
