can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
