im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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