at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
