There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize