i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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