Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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