that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
