I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
