Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
