i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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