from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
