the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
