I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
