Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My hand turned me down
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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