I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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