Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
