they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
