Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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