My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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