Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
