Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
do herpes really smell.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
