We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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