Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
