Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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