Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
