My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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