I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
