weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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