I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize