Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
