Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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