phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
