I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
