You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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