I CAN MOONWALK!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My bed smells like the plague
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
