he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
