My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
