Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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