Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
