my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
