...so i touched it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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