one might say we're banned from that church
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
