we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
