My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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