help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just google imaged poop.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
