My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
