Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
