Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
birth control should be required to get into college
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
