If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
