he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone shattered a urinal.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
