We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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