I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
