you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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