If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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