Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize