Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
