Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
