My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
