they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
