hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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