Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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