He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
