i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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