Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
