Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
