so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm bleeding and have questions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
