u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
