So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
